On www.lovetheirhusbands.com, I wrote today about a self-pitying letter received from a woman who perceived herself as the perfect wife and was puzzled about her husband's unhappiness. I will not repeat that thought here, but address a similar matter.
It is amazing how large a difference there is between our perception of our world and the reality of our world. We think of ourselves in a particular way and we think of the world a particular way, but we forget that what we think may not, in fact, be true at all.
As the years pass, I am surprised to find that almost everyone has a real reason for what they think, no matter how odd it may seem to me. I handle lawsuits where a client has been sued by a former employee who is convinced that they were a great employee, even though the records show that they were terrible. I hear from wives who are convinced that they are loving and kind, but my observations of them with their children are shockingly harsh. I hear from men who think they are great husbands but who devalue everything their wife does for them.
I believe two things about this.
First, I think very few people are knowingly dishonest about who they are or what they think. They do not sit down and decide "okay, I'm a jerk, but I will pretend I'm a nice guy." They do not say "hey, high taxes are bad, but I will pretend they are good to get elected." They honestly think what they think. They may be wrong, but they are not dishonestly wrong, they are just wrong. Sometimes, people are wrong.
So, there is no reason for me to double their sin. If someone is wrong, I do not also have to decide that they are liars. If someone claims to be a great husband, and they are wrong, then they are just wrong. Isn't one sin enough?
Second, never forget how evil we really are down deep. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9. There really is no way to know what a man thinks in his heart. "For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him?" 1 Cor. 2:11. Our capacity for self-deception, for fear, for foolishness, is beyond our ability to describe.
Notice that I said "our," not "theirs." It is our capacity with which we must be concerned.
Put simply, it is not only true that I must doubt what others tell me about the world, but I must also doubt my own perceptions. I must recognize my own capacity for failure and for selfishness and for lack of concern for others.
When I deal with someone who seems so out of line with reality, I have to stop a minute and make sure that it is not me who is in error. I have often found that what I thought to be true was not true at all.
It is amazing how large a difference there is between our perception of our world and the reality of our world. We think of ourselves in a particular way and we think of the world a particular way, but we forget that what we think may not, in fact, be true at all.
As the years pass, I am surprised to find that almost everyone has a real reason for what they think, no matter how odd it may seem to me. I handle lawsuits where a client has been sued by a former employee who is convinced that they were a great employee, even though the records show that they were terrible. I hear from wives who are convinced that they are loving and kind, but my observations of them with their children are shockingly harsh. I hear from men who think they are great husbands but who devalue everything their wife does for them.
I believe two things about this.
First, I think very few people are knowingly dishonest about who they are or what they think. They do not sit down and decide "okay, I'm a jerk, but I will pretend I'm a nice guy." They do not say "hey, high taxes are bad, but I will pretend they are good to get elected." They honestly think what they think. They may be wrong, but they are not dishonestly wrong, they are just wrong. Sometimes, people are wrong.
So, there is no reason for me to double their sin. If someone is wrong, I do not also have to decide that they are liars. If someone claims to be a great husband, and they are wrong, then they are just wrong. Isn't one sin enough?
Second, never forget how evil we really are down deep. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9. There really is no way to know what a man thinks in his heart. "For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him?" 1 Cor. 2:11. Our capacity for self-deception, for fear, for foolishness, is beyond our ability to describe.
Notice that I said "our," not "theirs." It is our capacity with which we must be concerned.
Put simply, it is not only true that I must doubt what others tell me about the world, but I must also doubt my own perceptions. I must recognize my own capacity for failure and for selfishness and for lack of concern for others.
When I deal with someone who seems so out of line with reality, I have to stop a minute and make sure that it is not me who is in error. I have often found that what I thought to be true was not true at all.