Life can be very challenging sometimes. I have been thinking about this in connection with my current sport, tennis. I have played tennis off and on for a lot of years. A year or so ago, I improved a lot in my tennis. I was more effective in my game and more successful. There was one problem.
I was also acting like a jerk a lot of the time.
You see, I had decided (based on good, solid evidence) that to improve at tennis, I needed to "play harder." I needed to be "more aggressive" and put a lot more effort into everything. So, I played harder and, believe it or not, I actually improved.
Trouble is, being "more aggressive" and "playing harder" also played into a tendency to get angry at things connected with tennis. I would get angry when I missed shots. I would get angry when I played with people who did rude things. I could get angry enough to ruin a whole match over something like this.
You see, I like to play what I think of as "real tennis." I like for the score to be kept in accordance with the rules, for example. For some reason that passes all understanding, a lot of players (especially old guys I play with) cannot or will not keep score properly. Instead of "love-15-30-40-deuce," they will say all kinds of other scores. Thus, a server will call the score of "5-3," which he means to be "15-30." That drives me crazy.
People also like to hit practice shots off serves that miss. If I hit a serve long, they will return it really hard and call "out," which means that they should not have returned it at all, much less as a practice ball. Sometimes, on a slow serve, they call "out" and then hit the ball back, which is just rude and violates the rules of how the game is played.
People who play tennis often don't care about the tennis, they just want to "have a good time," which (among men) normally means insulting one another. I hate this kind of stuff. I just want to play tennis. Still, they will talk to each other in the midst of points and, when you are preparing to serve, will break into song.
These things drove me crazy. So, I was getting angry at myself, getting angry at others, and generally being kind of nuts. So I quit. Not tennis. I quit the whole "more aggressive" thing.
I tried something different. I calmed down. I quit participating in their insult conversations and just played tennis. I no longer get angry when they hit practice shots off out serves (or, at least, I don't get as angry). I no longer get as bothered about the weird ways they call scores. (The other day, a man called the score as "3s." By which he meant "30-30." Right.) I am focused on the tennis.
The result is that I have gotten better again. I had a time of adjustment when I did not play as well, but I have gotten better. I am focusing on hitting the ball the way I want to hit it. I am taking my time. I am not trying to appear aggressive. And I no longer want to kill people who violate the rules.
I think, in the end, that being true to myself and my idea of who I ought to be is better than whatever gain I would get from doing what people told me to do. It is nice to be able to play calmly. It is nice to not lose touch with what I am doing.
So, for my part, tennis has taught me what God has said all along. Peaceful is better.
I was also acting like a jerk a lot of the time.
You see, I had decided (based on good, solid evidence) that to improve at tennis, I needed to "play harder." I needed to be "more aggressive" and put a lot more effort into everything. So, I played harder and, believe it or not, I actually improved.
Trouble is, being "more aggressive" and "playing harder" also played into a tendency to get angry at things connected with tennis. I would get angry when I missed shots. I would get angry when I played with people who did rude things. I could get angry enough to ruin a whole match over something like this.
You see, I like to play what I think of as "real tennis." I like for the score to be kept in accordance with the rules, for example. For some reason that passes all understanding, a lot of players (especially old guys I play with) cannot or will not keep score properly. Instead of "love-15-30-40-deuce," they will say all kinds of other scores. Thus, a server will call the score of "5-3," which he means to be "15-30." That drives me crazy.
People also like to hit practice shots off serves that miss. If I hit a serve long, they will return it really hard and call "out," which means that they should not have returned it at all, much less as a practice ball. Sometimes, on a slow serve, they call "out" and then hit the ball back, which is just rude and violates the rules of how the game is played.
People who play tennis often don't care about the tennis, they just want to "have a good time," which (among men) normally means insulting one another. I hate this kind of stuff. I just want to play tennis. Still, they will talk to each other in the midst of points and, when you are preparing to serve, will break into song.
These things drove me crazy. So, I was getting angry at myself, getting angry at others, and generally being kind of nuts. So I quit. Not tennis. I quit the whole "more aggressive" thing.
I tried something different. I calmed down. I quit participating in their insult conversations and just played tennis. I no longer get angry when they hit practice shots off out serves (or, at least, I don't get as angry). I no longer get as bothered about the weird ways they call scores. (The other day, a man called the score as "3s." By which he meant "30-30." Right.) I am focused on the tennis.
The result is that I have gotten better again. I had a time of adjustment when I did not play as well, but I have gotten better. I am focusing on hitting the ball the way I want to hit it. I am taking my time. I am not trying to appear aggressive. And I no longer want to kill people who violate the rules.
I think, in the end, that being true to myself and my idea of who I ought to be is better than whatever gain I would get from doing what people told me to do. It is nice to be able to play calmly. It is nice to not lose touch with what I am doing.
So, for my part, tennis has taught me what God has said all along. Peaceful is better.