As a sometime supply preacher (meaning I get to go to different places) and sometime interim (meaning I get to stay somewhere awhile), I have had many opportunities to watch preachers and learn about them. What I have learned presents an interesting problem. The problem is trust.
We don't trust one another, because we are in such a hurry.
Preachers often want their churches to grow right now. They want crowded services and bulging classes and, well, more money as well, because they have a plan. They have developed their plan over years of study and are sure they know what ought to be done. They come into a church with their plan and want to "work their plan." This is how they see ministry. As one pastor told me years ago, "the church exists to help the pastor fulfill his ministry." So, of course, the pastor sees the church as either helpful (if it agrees with him) or stubborn and sinful (if it doesn't).
The church members, on the other hand, want their pastor to be their under-shepherd. They want to learn, to grow, and to be comfortable. They do not want things to "change," unless they are unhappy with specific things. They hire a man to be their pastor, not the pastor of someone else they do not know who may join the church one day. They want a man who loves them.
But they are afraid. They know that there are a lot of bad pastors out there. They have very little knowledge of the man when they hire him or join his church. They worry that he will be a "cult" guy or take them somewhere they do not want to go. They listen carefully and often misunderstand him.
Pastors, in turn, often do not trust their churches. They are afraid for their jobs (another reason to get new people in right away who will back them). They are contemptuous of the prior pastors (who just did not understand as well as they do). They disrespect the church's traditions (they aren't scriptural, after all) and are upset when anyone complains. They think the deacons "ought to be behind me" in everything.
I have a suggestion.
Pastors, love your people and love Christ. Calm down. You were hired to pastor these people, to be their elder, to be their shepherd, to care for them. When you hurt them, you fail of your purpose. These are the people to whom you minister. Their traditions may seem silly to you, but they have a reason for every one of their traditions. If you think it should change, then at least try to understand both why it exists and what it means before you speak. Take your time. Change nothing right away. Earn their trust. God is sovereign. He is not restless or in a hurry, why are you?
Churches, be patient. Be careful in hiring. Look for a man who actually meets the qualifications as laid out by Paul in Titus 1 and 1 Timothy 3. Look for a man of kindness and gentleness and patience and love. Once he is there, give him time. Understand that your traditions are not his traditions (every church is surprised to learn no one else does it their way). The annoying mannerisms will stop being annoying when you know him. Invite him over to dinner. Invite him to lunch. Go see him.
When you visit a church, there is a moment when you get a sense for how people and pastor relate. We once visited a church and I would have sworn the preacher was a visitor, based on his manner and the coldness of the congregation, only to learn he had been there five years. In other churches, you can sense the unity as soon as things begin.
We are not in a hurry. God is not in a hurry. Get to know each other. Until the pastor trusts the church, he will not be open or caring or honest in his dealings with them. Until the church trusts the pastor, they will not hear his words clearly or know what he wants.
Get to know one another. You may be really surprised by the fact that most church members and most preachers are really honest people trying to serve God.
We don't trust one another, because we are in such a hurry.
Preachers often want their churches to grow right now. They want crowded services and bulging classes and, well, more money as well, because they have a plan. They have developed their plan over years of study and are sure they know what ought to be done. They come into a church with their plan and want to "work their plan." This is how they see ministry. As one pastor told me years ago, "the church exists to help the pastor fulfill his ministry." So, of course, the pastor sees the church as either helpful (if it agrees with him) or stubborn and sinful (if it doesn't).
The church members, on the other hand, want their pastor to be their under-shepherd. They want to learn, to grow, and to be comfortable. They do not want things to "change," unless they are unhappy with specific things. They hire a man to be their pastor, not the pastor of someone else they do not know who may join the church one day. They want a man who loves them.
But they are afraid. They know that there are a lot of bad pastors out there. They have very little knowledge of the man when they hire him or join his church. They worry that he will be a "cult" guy or take them somewhere they do not want to go. They listen carefully and often misunderstand him.
Pastors, in turn, often do not trust their churches. They are afraid for their jobs (another reason to get new people in right away who will back them). They are contemptuous of the prior pastors (who just did not understand as well as they do). They disrespect the church's traditions (they aren't scriptural, after all) and are upset when anyone complains. They think the deacons "ought to be behind me" in everything.
I have a suggestion.
Pastors, love your people and love Christ. Calm down. You were hired to pastor these people, to be their elder, to be their shepherd, to care for them. When you hurt them, you fail of your purpose. These are the people to whom you minister. Their traditions may seem silly to you, but they have a reason for every one of their traditions. If you think it should change, then at least try to understand both why it exists and what it means before you speak. Take your time. Change nothing right away. Earn their trust. God is sovereign. He is not restless or in a hurry, why are you?
Churches, be patient. Be careful in hiring. Look for a man who actually meets the qualifications as laid out by Paul in Titus 1 and 1 Timothy 3. Look for a man of kindness and gentleness and patience and love. Once he is there, give him time. Understand that your traditions are not his traditions (every church is surprised to learn no one else does it their way). The annoying mannerisms will stop being annoying when you know him. Invite him over to dinner. Invite him to lunch. Go see him.
When you visit a church, there is a moment when you get a sense for how people and pastor relate. We once visited a church and I would have sworn the preacher was a visitor, based on his manner and the coldness of the congregation, only to learn he had been there five years. In other churches, you can sense the unity as soon as things begin.
We are not in a hurry. God is not in a hurry. Get to know each other. Until the pastor trusts the church, he will not be open or caring or honest in his dealings with them. Until the church trusts the pastor, they will not hear his words clearly or know what he wants.
Get to know one another. You may be really surprised by the fact that most church members and most preachers are really honest people trying to serve God.